Have you ever had a day where you feel like you are out of it? You are here, going through the motions, but watching life just pass by. Today would be one of those days for me. It almost feels as if I am just watching myself and life from a distance. I don’t know the reason why, I just feel this way today.
This is how I typically feel when I am having a depressive episode, one that lasts for a good while. I don’t think that I am in the middle of one now, but it wouldn’t surprise me if today was harder than normal for me. It is the feeling of being alone in a crowded room. That empty feeling that you have when you are sent to your room as a child. It is a self doubting kind of day. I could let it get to me, but I am going to try hard to not let this feeling of nothingness consume me. That is the only way I can describe this, it is nothingness.
So, I think it is because I have yet again failed in my Lenten venture of 40+ posts during the season. That has really gotten me the most. Couple that with the fact that I just feel down, and alone, that makes for a real bad time. Of course this is all in my head. The next part of this will be to get out of my head, and not let it get in my way. Sounds so simple, but that part of my head has a short in it. Every now and then this happens, and you know, it has gotten easier in the last few months. My family and faith keep my head above water. I know I can always talk to someone, and that makes me feel better. My new found and renewed faith in God is also a new comfort. As with the losing of an hour this weekend, this too, shall pass….