“Deliver us by your wonders and bring glory to your name, O Lord.” Dn 3:43
So, yesterday was a rough emotional day, and it has carried over to today. I am not sure why, but I am very sensitive to everything happening around me. It is a symptom of my depression, for sure, but I have always wondered why. It makes it even worse because of the stigma that men are not supposed to have these “emotional” episodes. We are not supposed to be so sensitive to things that are going on around us, or happening to us in life.
Why is that? I am not sure why they say that grown men are not supposed to show some emotion from time to time, or why the world would shun a man who does. I have experienced this before, and trust me, it is a feeling of being outcast that I can not explain. I have experienced it with my own friends before, having been looked at totally different after expressing feelings of hurt, or depression. The whole ingrained notion that men are supposed to be “strong” and “stoic” that has really helped to cultivate a stigma for someone, particularly men, who have emotional issues, including depression. Having a need to have your emotions dealt with is not something that should be construed as a sign of weakness, or lack of “manhood”.
As yesterday closed, and I woke up today, the emotions of yesterday, and the feelings of depression still lingered. Not as strong as yesterday, but they have manifested in a different way. The overly sensitive side of me is showing today. Cutting myself off of Facebook and Twitter has actually made this irrational emotion a little worse. The feeling that I am forgotten by certain friends, or the fact that efforts made on my part are not reciprocated by certain friends is actually the problem I am having… I think. Keep in mind, this travel through the depressive side of me is not one that is always certain, nor explainable. These are not feelings I am having about my immediate family, but others in my life. I think I am just overly sensitive to it today, who knows, but it is what is going on inside this tangled mind of mine. It is hard to explain, sometimes the black hole that comes in with these emotions is very difficult to navigate.
The bright spot is, I know that at this stage in my life, I don’t have to go at it alone. I know I have a support group, and people who do really care about me. That is keeping me from hitting another rock bottom episode, that is for sure. I just hope that one say it will not be such a social stigma to have a man actually have some emotional tendencies and not be looked at as some sort of weak individual. Not only that, I just hope this episode of mine will end soon….
Lord, thank you for bringing such a wonderful support group into my life. I wish the many blessings that you have given to me be also given to others. Amen.