Today I woke up feeling overwhelmed by everything that needed to get done. I have a laundry list of things to accomplish, along with laundry itself. It is never fun, and this weekend, it is the weekend my wife works both days. Sunday’s are shorter for her, but still, it feels like I am tackling a mountain, and that is just not the way to start today. I have tried to refocus, and tried to get my bearings back together. It was not until just a few moments ago that both the kids finally went down for a nap. I think my children are trying to kill me slowly most days, and lack of resting for them only makes it worse later on in the day. To top it all off, that whole depression thing that happens to me, yeah, well, today, it is creeping back in…. its such an annoying thing. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate, my brain had to add that mess back into the mix… and trust me, I am trying to keep it at bay today. It honestly pisses me off to no end when this happens, only because I know that everything needs to be done and I can only do so much, but that feeling never gives myself a break, and only compounds the emotions going on inside.
So, I figured I would read a little bit while the kids were out. Why not, it is Sunday, and supposed to be a day of rest reflection into God’s word. So, then came a passage on the Passion. I understand the story, and how Jesus was made to carry the cross down the streets of Jerusalem as the people mocked him, and he worn the crown of thorns. I have never had to endure such a pain, but I can only imagine the feeling in the pit of the stomach of his mom, Mary. This is only fitting as we get into the latter part of Lent, with the readings everyday turning into the prophetic telling of the Jesus’ ministry coming to a close. As a parent, looking at all of this through the lens of Mary, I have actual tears in my eyes. How hard must it have been to watch your son, whom you held all his life, watched him grow, then only to be reduced to a mockery. Her heart must have sank so low. I know that she knew He was the one to save us all, but still, as a parent, I can not imagine one of my two beautiful children having that happen. It fills my heart with that sadness that you can not explain, to think that because of His convictions, he was put through that type of punishment. And He did it willingly, I might add. He knew it was coming, yet, still went about it. Still, I can not imagine the thoughts of Mary at that very moment, and how hard that must have been. That is the reason she has a special place in Heaven, and a place where I hope to have the glory to see one day. I know she was also suffering greatly that day. Suddenly, my minor bouts with depression don’t seem so great, when compared to the scene I have playing out in my head of that day.
Lord, thank you for giving yourself up willingly for myself and the sake of others. I wait in joyful hope to see your face someday. Amen.