The Sound of Silence… and other stuff…

The song Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel has a lot of different meanings to me, and not in the way you would think. It is a good song, and the first time I heard it was in my AP American History class. The teacher actually was playing the music as part of our tour through the 60’s in our history book. Back then, it was an important protest song… however, my friends from high school will laugh at this, because it has always been a moment that connected us together. It has taken on new forms for me as the years have gone on.

If you have not heard the song, go out there an find it. It is an interesting one, and you have to listen carefully to the words to really understand it. But really, for someone dealing with depression like I have been, the title takes on a different role. I can honestly say that there is a sound to silence. Even when you are sitting still, there is a little noise going on inside your head. I know people spend years trying to quiet and focus their mind to try and control this sound. For me, I cant do it. I have tried, and spent a huge amount of effort trying. It just does not stop. I mean, it does slow down, but never a stand still.

Why am I bringing this up? Because it is EXHAUSTING!!!!! When your brain is up and running full speed, you have so much energy being spent…… I mean, so much! I try very hard to work on slowing my mind down, letting the worries go, and still, when I am alone, when no one is around, my brain is still processing everything. All day, I get bombarded with sounds of everything, sometimes just noise, sometimes conversations, and sometimes just background levels of sound, all of that, just kind of rocks back and forth in my brain, and at the end of the day, when everything is still… its like watching a spinning top slowing down… it keeps going.  I have yet to have it completely stop. Its been years since that has happened.

Because of this wonderful mind of mine, I don’t get to really stop. I have learned to deal with it. I have to keep going, I don’t have the option to let it get to me. Dealing with it is annoying, and I think today I noticed it more. Finding a moment for me to process everything has been rough, and on days like this, it makes it harder to deal with. I am not sure, but for whatever reason, some days are better to manage this than others. I guess that is life, but it is still pretty damn annoying.

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