Well, as you can see, I have been away from writing for a while. I have been so busy with work and the family that I have not had time to put down my or thoughts. O.k., that is not true, I have several unpublished blogs that will be worth millions someday after I am gone… just kidding. I do have a few unfinished items that I have not figure out how to edit down to something that is readable. Trust me, sometimes the general public can not handle what is on my mind, so, I do not put it up…
Anyway, I have a confession to make. I am not perfect. There are lots of things that I can not do on my own and it is one of the hardest confessions that I have to make. I am not one that likes to not be in control, which makes my depression all the more frustrating, and I always hate asking for help. I guess I just feel awkward admitting that I can not do something, or maybe I feel vulnerable when I have to say, yeah, I need help with this. For a guy, this looks like a sign of weakness, and trust me, as a testosterone filled individual, that is never good. Call it a genetic thing, but us guys hate to look weak in front of anyone, and we would rather fail, than to have to show that sign… so… I am having to get over that.
This week, I have had to take vacation from work. I say had, because if I did not, I think I would have just snapped. Call it stress, call it the “job”, call it whatever, I was starting to just feel horrible about everything and every decision I was making. So, taking a step back, recharging the batteries, and just spending time with the ones that I love the most……….. that to me, always get me back in gear. There is always a thousand and one things going on at work, and it can get to be too much for any person to handle on their own. Again, something that is self-admittedly hard for me to say, that I need to have the support of my team mates at work. I have a great group of people that work for me, and to be honest, I wouldn’t have any other group working for me right now, they all fit into place.
I also thank God for the grace that he has shown me and my family. I have never been without anything, and my family has always been taken care of… even in the leanest of financial times. In every way imaginable, He has provided everything to us, and I can do nothing but give thanks in return. He is an awesome God, and with his mercy, all things are possible. Even me getting over my need to be the one to do everything all the time. I don’t know how many others are out there that feel the same way, but I am sure I am not alone. I hope that maybe everyone can read this and know they are not alone, and that everyone needs help every now and again, and that is o.k.