Today, on the way home, it was raining. Typical for an afternoon in North Florida. It is what happens in the summertime, it just happens to rain. Funny how this happens every day for the most part, but still no one knows how to drive.. that is a story for another day. Today, the traffic wasn’t all that bad, not at all. Today, I had a chance to ponder… something that doesn’t happen often enough lately.
After 35 years of living with me, I have come to understand me a lot better in the last five years. I have done quite a bit of soul searching, and to be honest, really tried to get to know me. Expressing myself, that is something that I am working on, but really getting to know me, and how my mind operates. It is not normal, and the thoughts do not always come out in a very suave manner. It is very choppy for the most part. I have noticed that lately, it is happening a lot more. The choppiness, the having to pause to remember the trail of thought I was on, the having to pause in the middle of a conversation to gather my words to not sound crazy or way off, it is just starting to happen a lot. It is causing me to slow down.
Last year, I had reconstructive knee surgery. That was horrible, painful, and downright not cool. I would not wish this on anyone. It took me out of commission from normal activities for about six months. I hated being waited on and looking crazy on crutches, or with the walker that I used to get around. I hated the physical therapy, the doctor visits, the constant having to ask people for help, but most of all, the fact that I had to slow down. I mean, I could not run, I could not really speed walk, I had to be conscience about taking it easier on my knee. Again, it was a slow down.
Alright, three hundred words in, Lucas get to the point… O.k., fine… I realized that God is wanting me to take my time. On the way home today, he was putting people in the way, to intentionally slow me down. I honestly think that he is wanting me to take my time, with decisions, what I am doing, and I think life in general. I have been moving so fast that I think I am missing the signs of what I am supposed to be doing with my life. So, as this hit me, through the rain clouds and moving windshield wipers, I could see a brilliant blue and white sky with the sunlight beaming through it. I tried to take a picture at a red light, but it did not turn out so much. I honestly think that this was my sign that I am on the right track, that I need to start reflecting, slowing down, taking things in, and not running so hard and fast at everything.
I think that all too often we get caught up in the race of human kind. I know that I am guilty of it. I know that when I take the time to reflect on things, and make some time to just slow down and be with myself and my thoughts that I have a better outcome. The outside world, including most jobs, demand instant gratification. As I have gotten older, and started to take time for me, I realize that is not how God works. Instant gratification is not something that is in his plans. Just because we are the first in line to have something does not mean anything in the grand scheme of life. Setting time aside to be with God, reflecting on the person that you are supposed to be become in His eyes, that is what is most important. It is so hard to not be all in the now. It takes a real conscience effort. It is one that I am still working on, but today.. I got my sign.