Really? I Mean Really?

So, here it is. Friday, and it was a great day outside… my family is safe, my finances are stable (not great, but hey, stable is a good place to be), I have a roof over my head, a job, and there is nothing to really complain about. Most people would say, hey, that is a great day….Why then do I feel like I just want to cry?

I hate my mind, and I hate how I can get so lost in it. I hate the feeling of being alone in a crowded room. I hate it all. Depression is the worst kind of thing that I could ever have been cursed and blessed with. It’s a blessing and a curse, because at the same moment I can empathize with someone, I feel like I am the only person on Earth dealing with this. I know that is not based in reality, because there are thousands upon thousands that deal with this on a daily basis.  Today is just a really bad day. I have taken my medications, so, no reason for this to be happening right? Yeah, I know better…………

It is just mystifying to me, how my mind is so tangled up on itself today. There is no real reason for it, none what so ever. Besides playing psychologist to fellow co-workers (which is not in the management handbook when you become one) and just news stories in general in the world, there is not a lot to be unhappy about. So, what the hell gives? I have heard everything from, “suck it up, you are a guy” to “you really need to get your medications checked to see if they are right.” and everything you can think of in the advice category. To be honest, they have yet to work. I don’t have the real answer on how to combat this whole depression thing.. especially when all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep… and trust me, I could for days if I allowed myself. It is the oddest thing, the impacts of this disease. It’s like trying to hit a moving target with a stationary weapon.

If only I could pray this depression away for myself and everyone in the world………

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