Holiday weeks seem to take forever. I don’t know if it is the compressed work week, or the fact that you feel the pressure to get five days worth or work done in four, or what, but yeah, they are a blessing and a curse at the same time. This holiday week was no exception. Coming off an exceptionally challenging mental weekend, it was rough getting back into the swing of things. This week especially was that kind of moment where things turned out not the way I wanted, but in the end turned out to be o.k., and only by the graces God brought to me, did things turn out the way they did.
Since I started writing my blog, my life has been sort of open book. I try to not spill all the beans, because there are still things that I would prefer to keep private in my life. I try not to use anyone else’s name, or even really go into a lot of details on stories, only because I know that people can be very sensitive, to a point where they might think that I was either talking about them or, what have you. That is never my intention with telling my stories or situations. I never want something that I say to hurt someone in any way. My intentions with my conversations and even this blog come from a place of love, and are not intended to do harm.
I had a fellow co-worker approach me this week about something that someone else said to them at work. This person at work I consider a close friend, and I even thanked them for bringing it to my attention. The rumor itself was a lie. I am not going to go into what and how it was presented to me, only because, yeah, why? There is no point in spreading the whole thing everywhere, but just to have that sort of perception around the office was enough to drive me mad. The rumor itself has a lot of implications behind it, and it is honestly could have impacts on my career. I think that is what hurt the most. I am not out to try to ruin anyone, nor do I intentionally try to slander anyone…. but I am human, and it caused me to think, what if I have done this to someone else? I may have at some point and not even realized it.
I was highly upset and hurt and very emotional when I found out. I have even left my Facebook page because of this. I do not know the individual who said it, nor does it matter. I have forgiven them, and I have prayed really hard for them. The incident still stings, but at least I have made peace with it. It did, however, help me to realize the cleaning that I need to do in my life, and how maybe, just maybe I need to refocus on the things that matter most, my family and God. I could have just really harbored this, not changed anything, and let life go on. I feel that God is pulling me in a different direction on this one. I cannot undo the situation, but I can change myself. So, I prayed deeply, and asked God to help me change. He opened my mind to a new way of looking at the situation. It actually has me thinking more about myself, and how I can be a better person. So, I actually really do thank my friend for bringing it to me. I would never know to change something if I don’t know about it.
Things we say have lots of impact, whether intentional or unintentional. The tongue can be the sharpest tool we ever wield in this world. They have impressions on people far beyond our wildest imaginations. Learning to control the thoughts and expressions we present is a true art form. I honestly think it is why music is so powerful. The expression of words to a beat leaves a mark in our minds and on our souls. Words can paint the most beautiful of sunsets, or the darkest of nights. So, for anyone reading this who I have ever hurt by something I said, I am truly sorry. Whether I knew what I was saying was going to hurt, or if it was innocent on my part, I am truly sorry for it, and I hope that I can be forgiven.