“Bless the Lord, all you angels, you ministers who do his will.” – PS 103:21
This has been a very long week. Yes, it is only Thursday, but we have had major things going on at work, and here at home. Many things, roadblocks, setbacks, and just very long hours being put into jobs, have all combined into a perfect storm that has run both me, my wife and my kids really ragged. O.k., not so much the kids, because they are on hyper drive almost all hours of the day, but the wife and I, wiped out.
In a normal week, I would have been just fine. This week, it started off with a huge project that had a strict deadline attached to it. I had to put in long hours at work. My crew was working overtime to get things done, and they needed my support through the process. I had the wonderful job of having my babies at night, however, they are a ball of energy, and after a fifteen hour day, they can be way too much. Trust me, I love my kids, but wow, there is no down time with them, until they are in bed. I know there are others out there that are right there with me. My wife was working long hours at her job as well, I think that I may have seen her all of three hours this past week. Not a good thing, since, I do love my wife, and spending time with her is one of the greatest gifts in my life. So, needless to say, we were both tired. Add to that just how life is and the pressures it can bring, and you can understand why we were both tired.
In spite of all of that, even though we were hitting the trials that were coming, my wife and I actually handled this week a little different. As most of you know, or if you don’t, you will now, I life with major depression. It does not help me when things are going rough. Trust me, the hard wiring up there is just way off, and it really kind of kills my spirit at times. Not this time. Sure, we had a lot of things we had to overcome, but in the end, I sat back and just opened myself up to a new possibility… maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I did this only after posting on my Facebook page what a crappy day I was having and how I felt so defeated.
The outpouring of support from my friends and family was amazing. Not only was my wife super supportive and amazingly positive this week, but there were people that I have never heard from in times of crisis that sent me messages. I can only attribute this to the fact that I have been blessed with the best supporting cast in my life that anyone could ever have. Not only do I have one of the greatest wives in the world, one of the best families in the world, but my friends really shined through. It really did help me through the rough patch of this week…….. which by the way was not that bad at all, in the end. It was so unexpected to me, and I could not figure out why.
So, I got to take a step back today. Look at the big picture of things, and try to figure this question I have out. I wanted to really know what as different about this week, than in all the other weeks that my life had led up to. What did I do differently? Why was there so much more support in this week than others? How come I could not see this before? Why did I not sink into some kind of depressive mood this time? Some rather deep material I was pondering here. I mean, it was just a minor week in the end, so why would I want to go into more detail on this?
Lets start with the first and foremost thing. My family is amazing. My wife, my rock, the one that really understands me, she just let me vent. Gave me space, and let me talk it out. Now, she has done this before, but this time, it was different because she just let me be. She let me come to her, and that is what I really needed. My Mom, she was a big help as always. My kids, they were just kids, and that is all they have to be. These wonderful people kept me out of my hole… so, a giant thank you goes to them. It could have gotten bad really quickly. My friends, solid as always, with kind words and inspiration. It was a great thing to see.
So, still the question was, why did I see it more now, then other times in my life. Well, I have been working hard on myself over the past year. I have been trying really hard to be more humble (in some cases I have done much better than others). I am trying really hard to put more positive vibes out there. I have been really trying hard to me more grateful, praying, and trying to stick to the Church regimens. Again, I am still a sinner, and not perfect. I have been trying, but have failed sometimes, but I have honestly forgiven myself for that. I have really started to forgive everyone in my life that has ever really done wrong by me. I have started to be a better person… and in this case, I have started to see the good in others. I think that is why I have noticed all the angels in my life. I am still a work in progress and I want everyone in my life know that I love all of you and care for all of you very much.