Back to “Normal”

Normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. That is something that was told to me when I was first admitted into the hospital in Georgia. I don’t know why quotes stick with you, or come out of nowhere sometimes, but they do. It is kind of like a song, when you hear it, you always can remember something about a moment in time.Today that quote is what started my day. I don’t remember my dreams often, but when I do, they are vivid and usually have a purpose. At least I would like to think so. The beginning of the week started out rough for me. I am not going to lie, I could have crawled into a hole for a few days and been perfectly fine with myself. I have too many lives depending on me to do that, so, I just did what I always do, and push on. But why would this quote be coming back to me today.

So, I have to remember why I was told this. The intake person, not a nurse, but just someone evaluating me for questions was looking at my answers. If you have never had this experience, just think of it as someone looking at your or medical history, but giving you that look, like when they read something in an article that shocks them. I must have had a look on my face that is crazy or scared or both. Why, because she looked at me, and actually said.. normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. I think it was a gesture trying to put me at ease. It did not work, because at that time, I honestly wanted to just die. I would find no comfort or humor in that statement until later on in my life journey.

Again, it is funny, because that dream and statement kicked me right back to Macon, Georgia. I couldn’t do anything this morning about it, but as I was coming into work, I laughed. Not because the situation was funny, but because at the end of the day, that will always be my lowest point ever in life. No matter what happens to me, from here until the day I depart to my real home, that will always be my lowest point. I will never be that low in my life again, because I wont let myself. No matter how bad this depression gets, I will never have to hear someone tell me that ever again in my life.

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