“It is from pain and our own limits where we best learn to grow, and from our own flaws surges the deep question: haven’t we suffered enough to decide to break old patterns?” – Pope Francis
It is the time of year where resolutions are almost an afterthought and have probably been broken. We have let the newness of the new year already wear off, and we have settled into 2016, and I can include myself in this, we have fallen back into old habits, patterns, and rituals in our daily life. All the wonderful promises to eat better, workout, do this, or that, have all become a lackluster distant memory in the timeline of our lives. I am not saying this is true for everyone, but I am sure that this holds true for some of us, and I am sure we can all relate to this.
My theme for this year is to try to become more humble. I thought this would be an easy thing, I really did, but it is proving itself to be a challenge. I have fought, for the last twenty-one days, to resist the temptations to be boastful, and not tread on anyone. It has not become a habit yet, and I have failed quite a bit so far. I think the reason is that I have had a hard time sitting back in situations, taking a moment, and not getting wrapped up into the drama of issues around me. It has made me realize how often I have really neglected to either ask for God’s intercessions, or missed him trying to speak to me. Yes, it has caused me to become aware of my need for God.
I have never really been one to ask for help. You can ask my wife, my family, my close friends, they will all tell you, I am good at not asking and hiding my innermost feelings. I know, I am sure you are really wondering if this true or not because I put out this blog. Nope, I have an easy time using the computer as a buffer, and to be honest, I don’t have to look my readers in the eye and can take my time putting thoughts together. My problem is looking into someone’s eyes and asking for help. It is the biggest fatal flaw that I have in life. It is so ingrained in me, that it feels so uncomfortable to ask. So, on this path of humility that I have been called to go down, my biggest stumbling block happens to be… myself. Yes, I even feel awkward asking for God’s help. It is so deep within the fabric of my being, that even as I am writing this today, I feel the pit of my stomach moving. I am pretty sure that enough is enough of feeling like this.
I have not figured out quite why I am so shameful in asking for support. I don’t understand that root cause, but I know I am on the right path, because this journey is uncomfortable. It is a simple thing, in concept, but it is taking me out of my comfort zone. I am firm believer that is what being a Catholic is supposed to do, take you just outside that comfort zone, in order to move you in the right direction. I just ask for everyone to continue to pray for me, and that my humility will become a habit that I am no long in dread of.