All who heard him were astounded and said, “Is not this the man who in Jerusalem ravaged those who call upon this name, and came here expressly to take them back in chains to the chief priests?” But Saul grew all the stronger and confounded the Jews who lived in Damascus, proving that this is the Messiah. – Acts 9: 21-22
I had about 500 words already written on this today. I scrapped it all. The reason I did is because I just cant get this story to flow correctly. I don’t know why. I just couldn’t get the words to stick together or even put a rhythm together on this. Paul’s conversion story is one of my favorites, and it really needs nothing else to go along with it. Paul was hit by the spirit of Jesus right in the middle of a major highway. Thank goodness he wasn’t driving at that time, because the Holy Spirit made him blind temporarily.
The truth is, I think that I am kind of jealous of Paul in a way. He had the Holy Spirit talk to him directly, and in that moment, was changed forever. Now, I know that I have had many blessings in my life, and I have my own conversion story, but he was put on a path and shown sort of a purpose right away. My story is one of slow conversion, and to be honest, I am still trying to figure out what it is that God really wants me to do in life.
Some would argue that this blog is my purpose. I reach people and try to proclaim the awesome news to everyone I can. Some days I just want that sudden jolt to come down and set me in the right direction. I know it is not for me to decide, and I try every day to ensure that I am walking the path that I should be going down. It’s not easy at all. Just like Paul didn’t have an easy time convincing everyone he truly did convert, it is not easy for me to see the path that I should be going down. I know I am not the only person who has this problem in life, and the perpetual need to be doing the right things. I do, however, feel alone on an island some days when it comes to that. I pray about it, constantly, but I cant help but feel like I don’t really know what my purpose in life is.