“I am the light of the world, says the Lord; whoever follows me will have the light of life.” Jn 8:12
For the longest time in my life, before I was saved from myself, I spent multiple years in a kind of dark cloud. That is really the only way that I can best describe my life before I was diagnosed with depression. I mean, I knew something was wrong, but I think that I had been suppressing and running from the issue for so long, that I didn’t know any other way to feel. I can really say that I didn’t know what the exact cause was, or what was going on with me. It was a great day when I finally stopped running, and started to manage it.
As part of my treatment, I started myself out on a slow process of trying to figure out my spiritual home. I was raised to believe in Jesus, and in a Christian background, but there was no solid foundation that went along with that. We were not regular Church goers and, with my military career coming to a close, I was searching for a purpose and a reason for being. I was pretty secretive about my searching, because, to me, finding a home was something that was personal, and very private. I looked into all kinds of different religions, from Judaism to Taoism, trying to put all them into context, and get on board with something to believe in.
It would be many years later that I finally landed on a calling to become Catholic. Being in the sanctuaries, I had a feeling of being home. For someone with depression, that is hard to find sometimes. I am a person who can feel alone in a crowd of millions, so, to feel like I actually belonged somewhere, it was the greatest feeling in the world. It has been many years since I converted, and I still feel at home when I am at Church. I still feel a sense of belonging when I am talking about my beliefs. It makes me want to share my experiences with everyone, in the hopes that anyone looking can find a home, just like I did.
I pray that God will help you find a home, to feel like you belong, and that you also get to feel the light, as I have felt God’s light in my life.