In those days John the Baptist appeared, preaching in the desert of Judea
saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!”
It was him that the prophet Isaiah had spoken when he said:
“A voice of one crying out in the desert,
‘Prepare the way of the Lord,
make straight his paths.'” Matthew 3: 1-3
The flow of the world is always changing. From us as people to how society as a whole is constantly moving in new directions, seeking new places, and moving into new spaces. Sometimes it seems as though everything around us is moving along so fast that we can not keep up. Other times, we try so hard to keep our sense of self, we are unwilling to change. How do we know when to move forward, or when to dig in our heels and buck those changes?
We all get to moving so fast, and we try to keep up with all the changes going on. For me, I have been trying to ensure I change the right things in life. I have been trying to change for the better. With all the hard work and good progress that I have made, I still have lots of work to do. I was clinging on to past relationships that I should have moved on from, but for some reason, just couldn’t shake them. It caused detrimental things to happen in my current relationship with my wife. It was not a good thing at all. It really has negated all the hard progress that I have made in myself, at least in her eyes. I never meant to harm my relationship at all, but I did. Nothing can change that now, the past is just that, in the past. It does not help the situation today, and I can only pray really hard that we will make it through. We are working it together, and we have a ways to go.
So, why do we do this? Why do we cling on to those things that have already been? Was it a feeling that we were trying to revive? Was it really worth it? The answer is no, of course, the end result was not at all what I was trying to accomplish. For me, because of the depression, I tend to try to stay in the past, dwell on that, and it really begins a whole mess of problems. I am still searching on the answers into why I do that. I am still trying to understand what I was really searching for there, going backwards. I was on a really good roll, but I totally jacked this one up. The biggest thing through all of this, and the one thing that I have really done differently in trying to battle my shortcomings really has been turning back to God.
The scripture reading that came up this week, of all weeks, was from the book Saint Luke. Luke 7:36-50 to be exact. I am not going to put the whole thing in this post, but you can find it by going to www.usccb.org. I recommend going there, Catholic or not, it is an easy to website to navigate. This is the story of the pardon of the sinful woman. The essence of this passage is about forgiveness. It is a very powerful one. The past few months, I have really come to understand the power of forgiveness. My wife did not have to forgive me at all, in this situation. She could have just said she was done, and be totally done with me, our marriage, and everything. That would have sent me back into a mental breakdown. That would really have ruined me. The thought of my life without of her breaks me in two. She, however, has decided to work through this with me. She didn’t have to. She has made the choice to. Take my Dad. I didn’t have to forgive him. Years of turmoil, but I chose not to. Don’t get me wrong, for years, I chose not to forgive him, but that choice only left me bitter, drained, and in a dark place. Instead, I have come to realize, God forgives everything. He does not discriminate. I am here to attempt emulate God. I am supposed to use Him as the example. While it is hard to do, it is my duty to learn to forgive those who have trespassed against me. That includes my family, and the ones that are closest to me in life. It can be done, and may hurt at first, but it is the first step to healing a hurt.
I am not going to sugar coat it. My wife and I have a lot of work to do. We will do it together, because that is how a marriage is supposed to work. I am not one who has all the answers to everything, and I will be the first to tell you I am not perfect. I am hoping that by telling everyone this part of my life, maybe you can learn something from it. Maybe there is a hurt that you are trying to get over in your life, and you can use this to help get closer to forgiving.