Happy Day to everyone! I have not been writing in a very long while. There have been so many things going on in my life, and to be honest, I haven’t had the courage to actually get everything that is going on down into a blog form. It has been a rough struggle for me, and my family.
I can honestly say I have missed writing. I know that getting the things out that are in my head is an important piece to my mental well-being. Not only that, but I enjoy just putting things together in a story form. However, thanks to the depression and the fact that I have been struggling with communication at home, I have decided that it was best to take a step back and refocus on my family.
If you have read my blog at all, you know that I deal everyday with the demon of depression. It impacts everything, and sometimes I am good at dealing with it, other times, it kicks me in the teeth. It keeps me from expressing myself to the ones that I love easily, and that has caused many issues with me and the wife. We have struggled with this and other issues for past few months. Things are getting better, but it will take time. I have done things that I am not proud of, that is for sure, and it has been detrimental to the well-being of our marriage. I am the first to admit the fact that I am the root cause of the problems right now. Letting depression be the excuse, well, that is something that I can not do. It is not something that I should hide behind. For everything that I have written in this blog, and everything that I have been through, at the end of the day, I was running from everything, hiding things, and taking things to an extreme.
Well, that has led me to today. I am in a world where I have questioned everything, from why I was blessed with this depression to begin with, how frustrating it is to find a real therapist that can help, how wonderful love can really be, and God, well, I have questioned his motives and things a ton over the last month. It is not that I don’t believe anything that I have written, or anything that I have talked about on this blog, I am just in the mode of questioning everything. From my career to my relationships to everything in between, I have been in a constant state of turmoil… and to be honest, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. I think that we all need to go through this, just I was not planning on going through it this way. There was a lot of pain and tribulations that came along with this that I would not wish on anyone else in life. It really just was a reality check for me that everything was not o.k., and that I need to put in more work.
Over the next few days, I will be going into more details on my adventures while away. Just know that it is not pretty. There is sunshine, but man, lots of storms were involved. I know on the other side, things will be better, and that with all the support and help that I have from, not only my family but God, things will start to come together. This is going to be a process, and I hope that everyone can see me on that process journey.