Eleven Years Ago

Sing and rejoice, O daughter Zion!
See, I am coming to dwell among you, says the LORD.
Many nations shall join themselves to the LORD on that day,
and they shall be his people,
and he will dwell among you,
and you shall know that the LORD of hosts has sent me to you.
The LORD will possess Judah as his portion in the holy land,
and he will again choose Jerusalem.
Silence, all mankind, in the presence of the LORD!
For he stirs forth from his holy dwelling. Zec 2:14-17

It has been eleven years since I decided that I was ready to not give up on myself. In 2005, I was placed inside the walls of a hospital because I thought that it would be better if I was gone. If I was to leave everyone, they would have an easier time without me. I believed that down to my core. I wanted to be gone, and I was determined to do it. Funny how God works that way. It obviously did not happen, or this blog has been written by a ghost, and should have way more people following it, if that is the case. Sadly, it is not, and to this day, I am still surprised every time even just one person reads what I have do write.

That day, in 2005, changed my life. At that point, I was hopeless, and downtrodden. I could not have been any lower, and to be honest, to this day, I have not been that low. I could not have wanted nothing more than to be put six feet under. That did not happen. Instead, my whole world was shaken. It was in that moment that I started thinking about this interconnection of people. Take my Mom, for example. It would not have been any easier on her. I know it would have crushed her world had I actually died that day. I would not have moved on to find the most wonderful wife in the world, or to have the two babies that I did. The entire world would have been changed, because of my actions.

Today, as you set out into the world, think about everyone around you for a moment. If you were missing from that point in time, what would be different. What if you were not there to give that homeless person a can of soup? What if you were not there to talk to you coworker who was having an issue? What if? Suicide is an action that takes the lives of countless people who have seen the low in their life. I know what that feels like, and it is a pain that I do not wish on the devil himself. If you feel this way, please, reach out to someone, reach out to me… my email address is on my page. Just know, there is hope. Whatever you do, don’t think that not being somewhere is good think in the what if scenario. You are here for a reason, and that purpose will be given to you. Know that God does want to heal you.


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