It has been a little while since I have posted anything. I realize that. My routine is to usually write something in the morning before everyone else gets up. My routine has been off because of the holidays and such. That should not be an excuse to not write. Truth be told, I have had a huge mental block lately.
I feel like I have failed. I feel like I have not been doing enough, been good enough, or have missed the mark on so many things in life. I have been overwhelmed by this for the past few weeks. Part of it is the depression itself. I am trying hard to push back all the thoughts of loathing and gloom. That is a mental fight that wears you out in itself. Couple that with the pressures of life in general, running a family, having a full time high pressure job, it gets tiring. To say the least, I am tired.
So, there you have it, I have not been able to write because of my own self. My own mind has stolen my own joy, how crazy is that? Well, it is not crazy at all. I am starting to pull out of the depressive state, I can feel that. There are just too many opportunities during the day for me to get down upon myself, and I have to remember to stop doing that. I have been telling myself that for years. Funny part is that when I get totally down, I have a hard time writing, which usually helps keep me from a depressive state…. and when you think about it, it makes your head hurt.
Anyway, all I can ask for are prayers from you all. I need them, and I will do the same for you.